So it’s been awhile since I’ve written. A lot has been going on, and honestly I’ve just been tired. I have this habit when I’m feeling some kind of way where I go much more introverted than normal, so I’m working through that.
Ben’s been gone for about a month and a half now, and the first part of that wasn’t too bad. He was training, and could text every day and we could talk. Now that he’s officially overseas, it’s been a transition to say the least. And as exciting things have been happening in my life, and at our home, I feel the emptiness a lot more than I had anticipated. I think I thought that if I stayed busy it would keep me from feeling that ache, but I was wrong! It worked for the first few weeks, but after exciting events, like a good day on the floor, or a wedding I just nailed, I’d come home to Belle (who I love a lot) but she’s no Ben.
I’m adjusting though, as I should, but I can’t wait until our new normal sets in, and I can just focus on it not being so fresh of an ache. I’m not sure if that makes sense, but it is what it is.
So here are a few new things I’ve realized since Ben’s been gone.
1) I really suck at making coffee. I’ve gotten better, but really Ben was so much better. How did I survive without him before….oh wait we had a Keurig before…that makes more sense!
2) Belle does not like to play with me the same way she does with Ben. I guess I’m just not as fun.
3) I can’t stay on my side of the bed when he’s gone, I tend to sleep more in the middle of it…which is weird!
4) I really really miss coming home to him, and filling him in on my day. Be it a rough day on the floor, or an awesome engagement shoot, or that one day that I let someone else shake my confidence. And hearing about his day! I wonder 90 million times a day about what he’s doing and seeing and experiencing.
5) I have some good friends. And I’m super grateful. MA came to Ben’s hail and farewell with me so that I didn’t have to drive home alone, and she listens whenever I’m having a hard day, and has been known to bring over delicious greasy fries & Burgers on a bad day. S comes over weekly for dinner, which is nice because I love to cook but it’s sad making my Blue Apron for 4, that we normally share and have leftovers, with just myself. K is there for me at all hours of the night, and tells me it’s ok to feel how I feel sometimes, and reminds me that Ben misses me just as much. My aunt deserves her own blog by the 90 million things she’s doing to help, but I’m so grateful for these people. I have no idea how to tell them how much I appreciate them, every day.
He really is my best friend, and it’s been a big ass adjustment without him there all the time. So if I seem to be keeping to myself more than I normally do, or I keep giving you lame excuses not to hang out, forgive me! I’m working on it!!!
Anyways, enough of my crying! Off to do big things!!! (Or just binge watch for a bit on the couch) Enjoy some pictures from Ben’s Hail & Farewell